Odd Hours
by Lab Cat
Summary: Would you like a chance at happiness, even if you yourself do not feel worthy of it? SSHP


092909: Another inspiration flash after writing a chapter of another story. It's a little longer than usual since I spent more time writing this. The title is taken from the time I actually wrote this (around 2:23am).

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter at all. The only thing I own is my narrator, my OC.

Warnings: Slash, mildly depressing, suicidal thoughts

Odd Hours

Time passes so quickly that we don't even realize it is the time that we are needed most.

Actually, no.

Time is just as is. It is what we do during that time that makes that moment significant.

Harry does realize this concept, but it is a long time coming. So many times that he tried to slow down or rush ahead so that something can be done to 'protect' and 'prevent' disasters that may come. Rarely does that ever happen to the way he wants to happen. But it worked out in the end for him.

Sirius has yet to know of this. Time has been stalled for him. Years and years of being locked away does that to a person that they don't understand the passage of time anymore. Twelve years since locked up since that night, and over four years being on the run…16 years of wasted potential. I still see the fresh faced idiot that just left Hogwarts, yet to fully become an adult.

I, myself, am at a young adult age, yet my mind is so much older that it should be. Perhaps the reason is that I didn't care all too much for human, no sentient, life. I still don't all too much; there is so much waste and so much that people don't understand. The petty things are important. Important things aren't valued until they are taken away. Things that are lost may come back if you want them too. Lost things are different from thrown away things; being thrown away means you can't come back.

It is a pity that time has definitely been frozen for Severus. He can't live past the moment Lily died. A man whose heart is completely taken up by one dead woman… Perhaps that's why he can't see Harry as Harry. He is the child of the man he hated the most and the woman he loved the most. The sad thing is that this person can see wholeheartedly who Severus is, more so than Lily. That reason is that they are very similar.

Discarded, unloved, isolated…

_Freak…_

Something heard so many times in their troubled childhood.

Yes, somehow, they can understand each others hearts more clearly than anyone else.

True, Lily was kind to Severus. Yes, they held a comfortable camaraderie that few ever has done with him. Yet, she couldn't see how he was drowning. She's right beside him and she doesn't see.

Perhaps I gave her too much credit.

Harry I can see does have a kindness…no. Understanding would be a better word for it. To know that the world does not want you for you because they only see something they have constructed in their own minds. He is the Saviour. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived.

He's the Greasy Git. The Bat of the Dungons. A Bastard.

It isn't a match made in Heaven. Actually, Heaven just made sure they had a chance at happiness, but never decided who they could love.

I'm glad they were able to find someone they can love completely without someone decide it for them. It's harder to keep that love but the rewards are so very much worth it.

ODDHOURS

_"Severus…"_

_"Hmm… Oh, it's you. What do you want?"_

_"Do you see him?"_

_"Who are you talking about? Speak clearly."_

_"I am. It's you who does not see clearly."_

_"I'm only going to say this once. Why are you being delib–"_

_"Severus… Is Harry someone you want to save, even from himself?"_

_"…Potter is not thinking what you are thinking. He's the 'Chosen One'. He's the strong, brave man that saved everyone from the Dark Lord. He has a sunny future of being and Auror, capturing Dark Wizards everywhere. He's going to marry that Weasley girl and have a hoard of children. He'll have a big, loving family. Everyone loves him..."_

_"Perhaps some more than others, but that doesn't matter all that much, does it…"_

_"Whatever you expect me to do is unlikely to happen."_

_"You only see James and Lily him, don't you? That's why you don't understand."_

_"I under–!"_

_"Severus, he's going to kill himself, damned the consequences."_

ODDHOURS

Perhaps the only thing we can be completely sure is that the world is larger than any of us. The world will continue to spin, even if we ourselves are at the brink of self-destruction. That just gives me some comfort that I am insignificant. I like to think I am, yet I am not. Lucky for me that I am important in the eyes of the person that matters most to me.

It would have been nothing but agony if he never saw me.

He always knew what I needed and wanted long before I do.

That makes me smile. He loves my smile. I hope I can continue to do so.

I hope Harry can smile like I do when his Special Someone sees him.

Just like how my Beloved does when he sees me.

ODDHOURS

_"Fuck! What the hell?! How can you say that so damn calmly? Actually, where the hell is he?! WHY ARE YOU HERE TELLING ME THIS RATHER THAN SAVING HIS –!"_

_"Why?"_

_"PRINCES–!"_

_"You are like everyone else. You don't see Harry. You only see what is important to you. In this case, your hated rival and your first love."_

_"…"_

_"I won't save someone who believes so strongly in himself and his perceptions. I can't be a hypocrite and save someone who truly believes he is not a significant person to someone."_

_"He is significant. He has a whole world that loves him. He has friends. He has family. A woman who loves him…"_

_"I can understand why he would do something like that. Why live in a world where you only may cause pain to the person you love? Why exist when you know you can't and shouldn't love that person because everyone would destroy it? Why fight it?"_

_"Princess! I can't believe what you are saying?! Of all people, you should understand that there is always someone who loves you more than what the world can provide! After all, you…!"_

_"I love my Beloved very much. Even though we can't be together right now, and the time we could has past, we still have that Time together and no one can take that away. I wanted Death to claim me so that my existence doesn't hurt him or bring him harm. I wanted to die so that my insanity and possessiveness does not smother him to an early death. That feeling is what Harry probably feels. More so with the feeling, 'I don't believe I can live in a world where I'm not loved by that person'…"_

_"Your Highness…"_

_"Do you want a chance at happiness Severus?"_

_"Has it been there all the time?"_

_"That's up to you to decide. Whatever you choose, there is a price both of you must make. To pay that price with as much sincerity as possible."_

_"He loves the clearing I took him once before the Final Battle…"_

_"Good luck…"_

ODDHOURS

I don't know if Harry is alive. I don't even know if Severus is alive too. Perhaps they are living a happy life together. Or maybe it's fraught with trouble and strife because the world is against them. Maybe they can only find peace in death…

Who knows? At least I know one thing for sure.

They were able to tell each other the truth about themselves.

ODDHOURS

NOTES: God, I'm tired after writing this. What do you think?


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